The other night when I was watching Jay Leno he brought out two women to sing a song.  Garfunkel & Oats sang their holiday song Year End Letter.  Please check it out HERE, it is so funny and very true!

If you’re ever wondering if I’m wondering how you are, I’m not
And if you’re wondering why you never got a Christmas card from me, I forgot
And if you’re wondering how much I hate your year end letter, a lot

I read the rambling piece of drivel you sent this year
And the reason we haven’t talked in the last 12 months is clear

How wonderful to know your cat is finally eating solid food again (Fancy Feast, indeed)
And how adorable he wandered down the block and found a little kitty friend (his name is Patches)
Thank God Jodi finally got her braces, wow, what a pain (you know how teenagers are)
And to know that Doug likes math work is excitement I can’t contain (I could go off on a tangent)
Get it?

You’re right, your family’s better than me
And it seems you make a lot more money
You put your long-winded rattling in a Christmas design
And the puns you use are so, so funny

You tell me everything in your year end letter
You pour out in your year end letter
Yet you’re boring in your year end letter this year
You’re just as boring as last year

I’m relieved to know your condo in Hawaii (?) (aloha, fungi)
And astonishing to learn that your azaleas even grew in the cold (Mother Nature, you so crazy)
A formal letter is the perfect place to announce your divorce (Sorry Charlie left you)
Do I want a detailed description of your passing kidney stones, well, of course (I’m gonna go throw up now)

You’re right, your year was better than me
You could never emphasize that too much
You wrapped up so much wisdom in a Christmas design
And that quote from Gandhi was a nice touch

You tell me everything in your year end letter
You spilled your guts out in your year end letter
Yet you’re boring in your year end letter this year
You’re just as boring as last year

So if you’re ever wondering why our friendship isn’t better
Just reread your letter

This weird thing is a 1.2kW electric motor powered, carbon fiber foldable bike called the YikeBike. It’s real, unfolds in 15 seconds, and aims to solve the eternal problem of urban mobility.

This bike is so awesome!  If you go to their website you can check out all sorts of cool pictures and videos on the YikeBike.  This bike was also named the 15th Best Invention in 2009 according to Time Magazine.

The first 100 orders will be delivered early to mid 2010 and the price will be between €3,500-€3,900.  Currently, they will only be offered in the UK, Germany, France, Netherlands, Italy, Spain, Ireland, Denmark, Belgium, Switzerland, Sweden and New Zealand.  I can tell you know, if and when they come to the States, I’m definitely interested!

Zaarath and Christopher Prokop — and their two cats — live in the smallest apartment in the city, a 175-square-foot “microstudio” in Morningside Heights that they bought three months ago for $150,000.

Lady Gaga Medley

Michael Jackson Medley

Don’t Stop Believing

Shy Ronnie

Doogie Howsier Theme

Justin Timberlake on Weekend Update

Weekend Update with Sarah Palin Rap

Weekend Update with Suzie Orman

I was listening to the Roula and Ryan show this morning, of course, and they did a brief segment on celebrity assistants.  This really got me curious and made me wonder about all the crazy things they probably have to do for their boss. This is what I have found:

John Travolta and Kelly Preston’s personal assistant, who asked to remain anonymous, explained to me that his duties were to answer phones and fan mail, shop for groceries, and grind Ms. Preston’s Zoloft tablets into a fine powder before mixing them into mashed potatoes and then spooning the potatoes back into the empty skins, with a generous topping of Hormel bacon bits. In addition, the assistant was required to join the Church of Scientology, and write informative scripts that Travolta and Preston would use whenever the press asked them questions about Scientology. “Scientology is kind of like if Ayn Rand became a Zen Buddhist”, his first script, was rejected. The PA also did most of Jett Travolta’s homework, and took Jett’s FAO Schwarz Porsche to the mechanic for servicing once a week. When a member of the staff of six flight attendants on Travolta’s 747 became ill, the assistant filled in for her, although he was not actually required to learn lifesaving techniques, and was not sure how to render the seat cushion into a flotation device.

I ran a story that Jack Nicholson employed a very small man so that he would always feel superior to him. Of course, Jack went nuts and threatened to sue me. It all got a bit nasty for a while but he eventually dropped the case. Jack has a lot of strange habits. During the seventies he used to employ a guy to lose arguments with him in public. The idea was that people would see Jack always winning. It was part of his image. He also breeds gerbils. They have a gold-plated cage.
–- Alana Berkovich, Variety columnist

Rosie O’Donnell’s assistant Bonnie was required to pluck O’Donnell’s chin hairs.

Anne Heche’s personal assistant, Coley Laffoon, gave her weekly bikini waxes. The two are now married.

Christian evangelist Billy Graham employed a personal assistant to trip and rob elderly ladies laden with shopping bags so that he could be seen in public helping the old ladies up, then chasing down and apprehending his PA.

I’m an Emotional Idiot
so get away from me.
I mean,
COME HERE.

Wait, no,
that’s too close,
give me some space
it’s a big country,
there’s plenty of room,
don’t sit so close to me.

Hey, where are you?
I haven’t seen you in days.
Whadya, having an affair?
Who is she?
Come on,
aren’t I enough for you?

God,
You’re so cold.
I never know what you’re thinking.
You’re not very affectionate.

I mean,
you’re clinging to me,
DON’T TOUCH ME,
what am I, your fucking cat?
Don’t rub me like that.

Don’t you have anything better to do
than sit there fawning over me?

Don’t you have any interests?
Hobbies?
Sailing Fly fishing
Archeology?

There’s an archeology expedition leaving tomorrow
why don’t you go?
I’ll loan you the money,
my money is your money.
my life is your life
my soul is yours
without you I’m nothing.

Move in with me
we’ll get a studio apartment together, save on rent,
well, wait, I mean, a one bedroom,
so we don’t get in each other’s hair or anything
or, well,
maybe a two bedroom
I’ll have my own bedroom,
it’s nothing personal
I just need to be alone sometimes,
you do understand,
don’t you?

Hey, why are you acting distant?

Where you goin’,
was it something I said?
What
What did I do?

I’m an emotional idiot
so get away from me
I mean,
MARRY ME.

This may be my favorite show right now.  It’s fantastic.  It’s on CBS.  Watch it.

The New Adventures of Old Christine is an Emmy Award winning, critically acclaimed comedy series starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus as a recently divorced single mother.

In the show, Louis-Dreyfus stars as Christine Campbell, a neurotic divorced mother and owner of a women’s gym who is in a constant struggle to keep pace with those around her. A frequent fixture in her life is her irresponsible ex-husband Richard (Clark Gregg) whose new girlfriend (Emily Rutherfurd) is also named Christine, hence the nickname “Old Christine” for the Louis-Dreyfus character. Christine lives with her son Richie and her brother Matthew (Hamish Linklater), while Wanda Sykes portrays Christine’s best friend and colleague Barb. Christine also struggles with her inferiority complex with the snotty “cruel bitchy moms” (Alex Kapp Horner and Tricia O’Kelley) at her son’s private school.

The show has featured supporting roles for a wide range of established actors including Blair Underwood, Dave Foley, Eric McCormack, Jennifer Grey, Scott Bakula, Andy Richter and Jane Lynch.